I knew that I was bisexual from a very young age, in fact, my first crush was on a girl. Obviously when you're younger, your parents think nothing of it, they say things like "You don't fancy them, they're just your close friend". So the older I got, the more I tried to rationalise it, I convinced myself that there was no way I could think of any of these girls as more than a friend. I even somehow convinced myself that bisexuality wasn't even real, how can you be attracted to both sexes?
During GCSEs I disclosed to a couple close friends that I believed I was bisexual and most of them were extremely supportive, if anything they acted like it was no big deal - I was still the same person I'd always been. But there were other that weren't as understanding, some girls believed I was attention seeking or that it was just a phase I was going through. It can be hard being honest with people when there's a chance they won't react in the way that you'd hoped, however for the most part, I'm happy that I told the people I was closest to because it helped more than I could have imagined.
A lot of people in this day and age would say that they don't consider themselves homophobic, they have friends or work colleagues that are gay, so how could they have a problem with it. But what I realised is this is true, until it turns out there is a member of your family that's gay. I have continuously been fortunate to be raised in an absolutely amazing household, don't get me wrong.
But, being raised in an African household meant that things like sexuality is not something that is discussed, you're expected to be heterosexual, to be smart, to be religious. Not being any of those things can be more isolating than your family may realise. Although my mum may not agree with it, I think she is more understanding than she realises, I haven't suffered in ways that other homosexual kids may have. I was never shunned, never told that I couldn't live at home, never been forced to go through any conversion therapy of any sort. I have been extremely fortunate.
I think at the end of the day, if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or whatever it may be, especially in an ethnic household, don't be afraid of who you are. Some ethnic families see being gay as one of the worst things you can be, and that's beyond wrong. You're still a human being, you're important and your feelings and emotions are valid, no matter what.
The times are changing and you're not alone. If you are struggling and need any support, don't be afraid to drop me a message or reach out to hotlines.
Switchboard
Helpline: 0300 330 0630
Switchboard offers a support and referral service for lesbians, gay men, bisexual people and anyone who needs to consider issues around their sexuality. Call us if you want to talk about your feelings, are frightened, confused or isolated. Maybe you're falling in or out of love, coming to terms with your sexuality, or have feelings for a classmate or workmate. We won't tell you what to do. We won't judge you. We won't tell anyone else about your call.
The Terence Higgins Trust
Freephone: 0800 802 1221
Growing up and entering the world of sex and relationships can seem confusing and worrying at first. If you are not sure if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, you may find it helpful to talk to someone you trust about your feelings. THT is there to answer your questions and give you some support.
RU Coming Out
Coming Out can be really hard. It's a complicated process which often causes feelings of confusion, doubt, guilt, shame, excitement, fear, relief and anxiety. There is no rule book explaining the best way or time to tell your loved ones that you are gay, lesbian or bisexual. That's because there is no 'right' way or time. R U Coming Out is also a really useful tool for parents and friends of those who have Come Out, offering them first hand accounts from other parents, relatives and friends of gay, lesbian and bisexual people.